Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
