just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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