I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
