member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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