I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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