i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
