Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
