i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
