Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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