just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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