hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
