I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
