just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
