you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
