Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
