Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
