evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
