1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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