I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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