This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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