using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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