i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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