If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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