I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
