Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
