Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish you could order shots online.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
