It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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