I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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