who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
