umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
