So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
