..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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