I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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