You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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