I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
