Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
