making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
