so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
