He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
