Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
