Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
