I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
