I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
