Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
