I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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