isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
