Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
