Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He passed out mid-signature
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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