Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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