i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
