So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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