remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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